Relationships are hard; they can also be the most rewarding thing in life. Couples therapy exercises can truly transform the trajectory of your relationship, whether you want to work on deepening your connection, sorting through conflict, or just spending more quality time together. These exercises will help you communicate more effectively, gain deeper insight into each other, and foster a stronger, healthier relationship.
In this post, we’ll discuss seven couples therapy exercises you can do at home. You are equipped with step-by-step instructions, real-life cases, and practical tips for making the most of the experience. Let’s dive in!
1. The Appreciation Exercise: Focus on the Positives
It can be easy to get wrapped up in the daily stresses of life and forget to appreciate your partner. This exercise forces you to focus on the positive and express gratitude for one another.
How to Do It
Dedicate 10-15 minutes every day to sitting down together.
Discuss three things you love about each other, taking turns.
Be specific. Instead of saying, “You’re nice,” say, “I like how when I’m feeling down, you always bring laughter into the room.”
Real-Life Example
Sarah and John began this practice when they noticed that they were only faulting each other. In paying attention to things they appreciated, they were starting to feel closer and less critical. Gradually, the couple discovered their arguments less, they were feeling less and less argumentative with each other.
Tips for Success
- And most importantly: Be real: Do not say anything you do not mean.
- Try to do this daily or weekly. Make it a habit:
- Lift all the little things up: Appreciate the small gestures, even making coffee in the morning.
- Hunting for it: Keep a joint appreciation journal of gratitude notes to reread on difficult days.
2. The Mirror Exercise: Practice Active Listening
Active listening is one of the pillars of healthy communication. This exercise allows you to really listen to and understand your partner’s viewpoint.
How to Do It
- Sit facing each other.
- One person expresses a thought or emotion, and the other listens without commenting.
- The listener then reflects back on what they heard, beginning with, “What I hear you saying is …
- Switch roles and repeat.
Real-Life Example
Taking this to heart, when Emma lamented about not being heard, her partner, Mike, used this exercise to mirror back her words to her. Emma felt thoughtful and understood by this. Over the weeks, they discovered that doing this exercise helped them work through conflicts faster and with less frustration.
Tips for Success
- Stay on the task: Keep away from phone or TV distractions.
- Create a stall: Allow your partner the time to say everything they have to say.
- Avoiding judgment: Even if you do not share their beliefs, work to understand their perspective.
- Be nonverbal: Nod, make eye contact and show you’re interested.
3. The Love Map Exercise: Get to Know Each Other Better
A “love map” is your sense of your partner’s inner landscape — their fears, their hopes, their dreams, their interests. This exercise allows you to build on that understanding.
How to Do It
- Make a list of questions about each other’s likes, dislikes and life experiences.
- Ask and answer the questions, taking turns.
- Examples of questions:
- What is one of your favourite memories from your childhood?
- What is the one thing that you’re most proud of?
- What’s your biggest fear?
- What’s one dream you’ve never told anyone about?
Real-Life Example
After a decade of marriage, Lisa and Tom discovered they didn’t know each other’s favourite films, let alone their greatest dreams. This exercise allowed them to reconnect and discover new things about one another, renewing their emotional intimacy.
Tips for Success
- Be curious: Ask follow-up questions to probe deeper.
- Stay vulnerable: Share authentically, even if it feels exposed.
- Make it fun: “Make a game or a date night out of it.
- Check-in periodically: People change, so update your love maps regularly.
4. The Conflict Resolution Exercise: Tackle Issues Together
Conflicts will happen, but how you deal with them is what matters. This exercise teaches you how to disagree constructively.
How to Do It
- Find a concrete problem you would like to solve.
- Use “I” statements (for example, “I feel hurt when…”) and take turns expressing your perspective.
- Collaborate on solutions that work for both of you.
Real-Life Example
When Alex and Jamie argued over household chores, they used this exercise to create a chores chart that was fair to both of them. They also agreed to review the chart each month to modify it as necessary.
Tips for Success
- Remain calm: Take deep breaths if the emotions are running high.
- Stick to the issue: Be careful not to bring up past grievances.
- Be a solution finder: Seek compromise — not victory.
- Use a timer: Each person should have equal time to speak without interruption.
5. The Gratitude Jar Exercise: Build a Culture of Appreciation
A small but powerful reminder of the good stuff you share as a couple, a gratitude jar can help emphasize positivity in your relationship.
How to Do It
- Grab a jar and some scrap paper.
- Each day, you write down something you’re grateful for about your partner and put it in a jar.”
- Read the notes together weekly.
Real-Life Example
When things were rough, Mia and Chris began a gratitude jar. Reading over the notes each week allowed them to focus on the positives and reconnect. They even introduced a rule: Don’t say the same thing twice, which forced them to pay attention to new things they had to be grateful for.
Tips for Success
- Discipline: Doing it daily, and sticking with it.
- Be specific: Note particular things, such as, “I appreciate you making my favourite recipe for dinner tonight.”
- Have a jar ceremony: Read the notes in a fun way, maybe over tea or a quiet evening.
- Keep it in sight: Store the jar where you’ll notice it every day, like on the kitchen counter.
6. The Dream Sharing Exercise: Align Your Goals
Sharing your dreams and goals can help you feel more connected and aligned as a couple.
How to Do It
- Set aside time to talk about your individual and shared dreams.
- Ask questions like:
- What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to do?
- Where do you see us in 5 years?
- How can we support each other’s goals?
- Create a shared vision board or list of goals to work toward together.
Real-Life Example
When Sarah told Jake about her business idea, he offered to help with the financial details. It pulled them closer together and on its own gave them a united purpose. They also found new ways to help each other meet their individual goals like Jake training to run a marathon.
Tips for Success
- Be supportive: Support each other’s dreams, even if they seem crazy.
- Be honest: Tell your real dreams; don’t just pontificate the things you think your partner wants to hear.
- Do it together: Decide together on the steps you will take to make it happen.
- Ease into celebration: Acknowledge progress, no matter how little.
7. The Fun List Exercise: Prioritize Joy Together
Life is busy and sometimes there just isn’t time for fun but this is key for a successful relationship. This exercise gives you the opportunity to prioritize joy and make lasting memories.
How to Do It
1.Make a list of things you both like to do or want to try.
2.Examples:
- Go on a hike.
- Try a new restaurant.
- Take a dance class.
- Plan a weekend getaway.
3.Plan regular “fun dates” to mark things off the list.
Real-Life Example
After years of prioritizing work, Anna and Mark found they hadn’t had fun with each other in ages. Their fun list restored their connection and their joy. They even instituted a rule: no cancelling fun date nights, except in case of an emergency.
Tips for Success
- Be inventive: Have a combination of bigger and smaller activities.
- Be regular: Plan fun dates a few times a month, at least.
- Be here: Silence distractions and attend to one another.
- Hit refresh: Add to the list as new interests emerge.
Conclusion: Start the Journey Together
Relationships require effort, and they pay off. Couples exercises that will bring you closer together and help you communicate with each other more constructively.
Just remember, it’s not about perfection—it’s about trying to learn and grow together. Pick one practice that feels important to you, and allow it to change your relationship.
So what will be the first exercise you try? So find your partner, clear some time in your schedule, and start today making the first steps towards a stronger, healthier relationship!
